Dear alien high-council president. - War of the Worlds Reviews

Dear Alien High Council President, I am a lowly pilot that was deployed to "Earth" via the lightning to get rid of the humans. However, I found that my deadliest ray guns failed on cotton clothing but suprisingly melted steel and humans with high accuracy. Despite being bullet-resistant, I think our tentacles should be made axe-proof. Just slightly more, sir. Also we seem to have some difficulties with our human suction device as a few people apparently figured out a way to defeat one, by simply "holding on" to each other. I propose we execute humans on mass instead of individually killing them with our mightiest "anal probing tentacles." Also I request we re-calibrate our targeting mechanisms as one human easily seemed to dodge every single death ray at him. Perhaps we should also make our 120 feet tripod walks outpace a 2 legged 6-foot tall human. We seem to have great difficulty catching people. From captured earthlings, we found out these creatures have a procedure called a "Vaccination" before sending them to war. I highly recommend we assimilate these procedures before we are sent to war. I also recommend we stop the practice of our sickened soldiers coughing on every other soldier because apparently we all got sick at the SAME EXACT time and shut down simulataneously. I hope this letter reaches you, High-council President. Also please re-configure our shields so that it suddenly doesn't turn off when the pilot gets ill. Yours dearly, Alien # 135-SZ35.